“You’re not stupid you know.” “You could do well if you just applied yourself.” “Slow down and for goodness sake, stop talking!” I grew up hearing these statements, and variations of them, my whole life. I even have the report cards to prove it. I still hear these criticisms in my head when I make a careless mistake, but now I tell myself, “You’re not stupid you know, you just have ADHD.”
I observed an argument between two people last week and with little effort, I remained calm and objective. This week I was the one in a disagreement and it wasn’t so easy to stay calm and neutral. I found myself getting angry that the other person was angry.
When someone uses feeling words to describe judgments and assumptions, it may sound like they are talking about their feelings, but they are actually talking about their negative, and often exaggerated thoughts. As a result, we feel judged and often misunderstood. We get angry that they’re angry.
In any relationship we can find ourselves upset or annoyed by another person’s behaviour. Often an open dialogue is enough to resolve our concerns. Sometimes however, our concerns are ignored or brushed off and we are left questioning our right to demand change.
My granddaughter Kaylie was excited to go shopping on Boxing Day with her Christmas money. I dropped her off at the Mall and when I returned, she was frantic. She had set her shopping bags down at the food court and now they were gone. “Would I please come in and help her find them?”
I’m five years old in this picture and mad as hell. This photo was supposed to be only of me. My Mom dressed me up, curled my hair, and left me waiting for a man in a van to come take my photo. The man showed up, grabbed my dirty brother out of the sandbox, and stuck him in my picture. I was furious but didn’t say a word as I smiled for the camera. Continue reading “Do You Hide Your True Feelings?”
Being a child means being dependent on others and having little control over what happens to you. If your vulnerability is protected, you spend your childhood learning life-skills that prepare you for adulthood. If you are not protected, you spend your childhood learning survival skills. Adulthood is either thrust on you too soon or catches you unprepared.
I am writing this post while vacationing in Mexico. It seems fitting to write about happiness in such a beautiful place. There was a time when all I thought I needed to be happy was all the things I didn’t have. Now I no longer pursue happiness. I appreciate when I am happy, but I appreciate more the times when I am at peace with myself and with the world.
Many of us are familiar with the slight mood swings that hormones, stress, or illness can cause. We are all capable of over-reacting occasionally and under certain circumstances. But for some people, significant mood swings are a part of their daily lives and it affects their self-esteem, relationships, and quality of life.
Are you in an intense, passionate love affair with someone that’s bad for you but you can’t let go? Have you distanced yourself from a friend or family member because their roller-coaster relationship is exhausting and hard to watch? Why does a person insist they can’t live without someone who is clearly making them miserable?
I was in line one day at the airport when a woman arrived late and wasn’t permitted to board. She screamed obscenities at the West Jet representative, startling everyone within earshot. It’s rare to see this kind of verbal attack in public and between strangers; it usually happens at home and with people we love. Continue reading “How to Survive a Verbal Attack”